Insecurities in The Mirror
Insecurities in The Mirror:
Reminding myself of who I am
by Jessica Lawson
I feel like myself in this picture. I don’t know how to describe it but I feel like the ME that I am supposed to be. I remember the wind assaulting my hair, the water being so cold, being so at ease at the beach. The beach is like that one friend’s house growing up that you used to love spending time at.
You felt comfortable ... safe ... purposeful.
Lately, I’ve been really struggling with insecurity. I’ve been insecure about EVERYTHING 16-year-old me might have been slightly confident about. I don’t know what it is. I don’t normally give a lot of value to my insecurities but for about a month they’ve been attacking my peace and my worth.
It's taking me back to old, high school insecurities. We were so scared to be ugly. We're so terrified to miss a moment for someone to think we're beautiful. Someone affirming our beauty was like a dose of oxygen when you felt like you were drowning in the waters of insufficiency.
I was tired of feeling like my beauty and confidence were playing hide and go seek. It felt like a battle I couldn't win.
I started to pray to see myself through my Father's eyes. In the most desperate of moments, heightened by insecurities, I would beg as I looked in the mirror, "God, please, show me how You see me."
God honored my prayer. I walked into college with a confidence that was not my own.
But nearly a decade since then I’ve felt all the lies, the brunt of insecurities bombarding me.
“You’re not a good singer.”
“You won’t make it another year as a freelancer.”
“Your hair is always messy and looks terrible.”
“You’re breaking out too much.”
“That looks too tight.”
“That looks too loose.”
“Those are too fat.”
“Why are you so stupid with numbers?”
“Why aren’t your hustles doing better?”
Are you done yet? Cause I am. I know you do it to yourself too. You don’t have to publish your list. But I encourage you to write it out and really take stock as to how much weight those insecurities hold. Are they weighing you down?
Frankly, I don’t have a pretty or perfect answer to diminish insecurities. But my weapon is not a pretty answer, I choose Truth.
I know my God loves me.
I know my God chooses me.
He fabricated my beauty.
He curates my value.
He reaffirms my worth.
I am worthy of love.
I am worthy because He says so.
Not because a job, a title, a baby, a husband, an adventure, etc. say so, but because my God says so.
So where is your heart at?
Are you toting around those insecurities?
Are you holding onto them, so that you can call them out before someone else does?
Or can you see yourself the way God sees you? Can you see?
Can you see your role in His Church?
Can you see how He has redeemed you?
Can you see how you’re a new creation?
Stand tall Kindred, and command those insecurities with,
“I am who HE says I am.”