Willful Courage
Willful Courage:
Stepping out dreams in spite of fear
by Megan Varela
On the outside, I look courageous. I’m not afraid to try new foods, explore new cities, or take an international vacation. On the inside, I feel anything but courageous. As soon as I get to the real-life stuff, the day-to-day decisions, applying for jobs, or putting myself out there to make new friends, that is where fear shows up.
At 26 years old, college and post-grad life have thrown me for a loop with the divorce of my parents, my broken engagement, settling for a graduate program I didn't love, the woooorst first post-grad job where I was forced to choose morality over a paycheck, and finally, a cross-continental move to China. All of those life experiences conditioned me to be fearful of conflict, change, and commitment.
This year too has been full of intimidating transitions for me, including moving back to America, starting a new job in an unfamiliar city, getting engaged, and finding a new church community. All of which created a lot more chaos than I would have liked. For a few months, I chose to let my fears of all the unknowns, my limitations, and my stress control the way I was living.
In the past, and honestly sometimes even now, I will stuff fear and conflict and anger deep, deep down, avoid them like the zombie apocalypse and try to pretend they don’t exist. Admitting that those feelings existed was a blow to my pride. My fear revealed that I didn't have it all together ... not like those other Christians who listen to God says we shouldn’t be afraid.
Shouldn’t be. Not that we never will be. The key is that as soon as those fears rise to the surface, God asks us to immediately surrender them. There WILL be moments that cause fear in your life: moving to a new place, changing churches, or realizing a dream that feels too big. The battle is in what we do with those moments. When you start becoming afraid, you have to choose to courageously take a step forward by first turning to prayer and not wallowing in your fear.
Finally, in a tear-filled late-night conversation with my fiance, I made it to my breaking point and was forced to admit to myself and God that I didn’t have enough hands to juggle all the situations I was trying to control to attempt to create my state of peace. Even though I didn’t know exactly where I was headed, I knew I needed to move forward and commit to some decisions and dreams. The first step of that process was a commitment to prayer, acknowledging the presence of my fears and asking the Lord to give me the courage to act without having all the answers to relieve those. It is after prayer, that God invites us to step out and onward.
Courage is defined as the willful choice to move forward in spite of fear, consequences, or limits. It is driven by a state of mind that believes the struggle is worth it.
It took courage to move my whole life to China for a year. It took courage to tell my best friend that I loved him too. It took courage to say no to job opportunities that weren’t quite right. It took courage because I was afraid. I was looking at the potential outcomes. I was attempting to control the situation. I had to choose courage knowing that God is for me despite my fears and anxieties.
I had to remind myself, sometimes multiple times a day, “God is bigger than my fears. I’ve seen Him working in this situation and I will continue to see Him work EVEN IF I’m wrong in this choice.”
One of my all-time favorite Bible stories is about Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. The book of Daniel tells us about a King who threatened to have these 3 men burned alive because of their devotion to the one true God.
What the story doesn't tell us is that they were fearless in the face of imminent death. Which meant they probably had some reservations. You can't be courageous without a fear to overcome. But instead of letting that fear destroy their faith, they chose to say in faith-filled courage, “If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve can save us. He will rescue us from your power. But even if he does not, we want to make it clear that we will never serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up.” (Daniel 3: 17 -18)
This truth is what enables us to act in courage. That even if we’re afraid, under qualified, confused, or even if we do it wrong, GOD MAKES A WAY. Part of the foundation of our faith is the ability to not fully know where we’re going but choose to go anyway, trusting that God is with us.
We need to act in courage to make ourselves available to be moved where God needs us to be. Moving forward with courage doesn’t mean I have all the answers and see all of the glorious outcomes He has in store. It just means that I am choosing not to let the Enemy paralyze me with fear that prevents me from stepping into my purpose.
If I allow myself to be controlled by my fears, limits, and potential consequences, it hinders my chance to grow by the means of courageous faith. But when I obediently give those hindrances up to God in prayer, knowing that He WANTS to hear from me and always knows what’s best for me, it allows me to take a backseat and trust Him to lead (John 5:15, Jeremiah 29:11-12).
Because of Christ’s redemptive power in us, our fears should drive us to faith-filled courageous prayer and action. Choosing not to offer them to Him is pride. It justifies you to try and get rid of your fears in your power.
When we make that choice to lay down our pride and offer our anxieties up to God and be held accountable by others, He is faithful to fulfill his promises. Most importantly his promise to provide peace (Philippians 4:7). Nothing on Earth can produce that kind of incomprehensible peace. Not a fulfilling job, not a loving family, not a winning lottery ticket. God is the sole author and provider of that peace.
Courage isn’t a one and done decision, it’s a lifelong choice we will make over and over again. There’s going to be days where you mess up and try to control things. Extend grace in those moments and give yourself the choice to start over again. Invite others you trust into those fears and be honest about them so that you can have faithful people around you that will give weight to your feelings but who also have the right to ask you, “are you trying to fight this in your own strength?”
This year to fight my fears, I made a list of things that are courageous choices for me. Everything from reading books about courage, to practicing my writing more, to scheduling one Saturday every month to spend time alone. I even have post-its at my desk and on my bathroom mirror that just say “courage” as a reminder to turn to prayer when I become afraid. It also helps take some of the pressure off those obedient day-to-day decisions that I just need to make in order to keep going towards where God is leading.
Be courageous today, Kindred. Go sign up for that activity, create something new, or just start by journaling to identify your fears. Provide yourself with tangible opportunities to choose courage and it will enable you to continue to make larger choices in the future because you will see how God provides when you are available for him to work in your life.