After Our Kickstarter...

The Monday after we didn't get the Kickstarter I walked around in my monotony thinking about what I was going to say in our staff meeting that night. 

Our staff is comprised of some of the greatest hits of people I've worked with in the publication realm. They chose to bear their hearts over and over on paper, in photos, and other creative means to share stories and spark hope. They are the ambassadors of who Kindred in their daily lives and in their relationships. They exude our values and champion our mission, even when I didn't have the precise words for what our mission was when I invited most of them back in October to join the team. They do not get paid. They give of themselves and their time. Half of them are married, half are very committed to their churches, and all of us have other jobs. 

So for them to walk through this season of the Kickstarter, for them to follow my lead, for them to then be disappointed and sad we didn't get it, well, that weighed on me in my mundane Monday.

The thing is, I struggle with pride. Not in an explicit "OH KINDRED IS SO GREAT BECAUSE OF ME" but more of a ...

I NEED TO DO MORE TO MAKE IT BETTER.

If you're into the enneagram I'm a 2w1: "The Servant." Makes sense, right? But God calls us to a higher standard than the enneagram, and He says my pride needs to be checked at the door.

MY pride gets in the way of HIM working.

But what blew me away with the Kickstarter, what I couldn't control or make better, was how many people were concerned that we would be discouraged from not raising the full amount. 

We got so many long and short messages after the Kickstarter ended from people who said, "PLEASE DO NOT STOP." 

And during the Kickstarter we had so many friends posting what they loved and valued in Sincerely, Kindred. 

I accounted for every heartfelt message, rallied some practical number things, money things, and prayed that our meeting would go well, that it would be everything we desire SK to be in a safe place to wrestle through real feels and how God is involved in it all.

We started our staff meeting and after our first 10 minutes of chit-chatting and everyone leaving whatever was in front of them to focus on our time together (and Kara sitting in a long line at Dairy Queen for a cookie dough blizzard), my husband Cameron prayed. And the Holy Spirit, living, and dwelling inside me spoke to my heart in only His way saying, let everyone talk about how they feel about not getting the Kickstarter. 

Editor after editor spoke about discouragement, sadness, hope, excitement, and overall an eagerness to KEEP going. 

Honestly? Not getting the Kickstarter has so far been the most encouraging moments in Kindred's lifetime. 

Pride isolates us. Have anyone of you watched Parks and Rec? Leslie Knope is a powerhouse. But she is one of the most prideful characters on that show because she has a perpetual savior complex in every aspect of her life. With friends, relationships, work, family, you name it, her behavior shows that she believes she is the sole fixer of everything. Except for waffles with whip cream. "There is no problem that breakfast can't fix." - Ron Swanson.

I'm honestly shook that so many people understand what Kindred is and what it isn't. We are breaking the mold of what publications are, especially Christian ones. We don't have to have all the answers. We don't have to tie up every letter or article with a bow. 

Sometimes we don't know. 

I don't know why we didn't get the Kickstarter. I don't know why God explicitly led us here and then we didn't "succeed" in the way we thought we would. 

But I don't think I need to know, or "figure God out." Maybe we just need to do what Micah 6:8 says. Seek justice. Love mercy. Walk humbly with your God. 

Well, until the Lord reveals or answers any questions, or shows us our next move, we will seek to praise justice, we will write letters with mercy, and we will perpetually seek to dwell on God more and ourselves less. 

Until then, we WILL be distributing Issue Two at some point in August. The WHY is clear: we want to continue to show you all who we are. The HOW is not clear. And we appreciate your prayers. 

Reach out to us if you want to. Email us if you want to share your thoughts or feelings. We welcome them! We will always welcome you! 

There is always room for you on our metaphysical couch.

Sincerely, 
Jess